2013年4月20日 星期六

A scorched sun doesn't make any silver lining at all

Vienna, summer 2011


Both Before Sunrise and Before Sunset have been quite famous since they were released in 1995 and 2004 respectively. The way of storytelling based on conversations demonstrates how unique they are and why some people are obsessed with them.


After finishing watching Before Sunrise for the first time, I did really like it.  But what impressed me more was the idea of taking train from Budapest to Paris Lol.  I told myself that I must go to Europe and do the same thing! Well, I mean taking trains across the Continent, not meeting random girl, which is good of course. Anyway, I did fulfill this self promise during my two-year study in Europe. Thanks to Schengen agreement, the good transportation system and interrail pass, I could indulge myself in the ecstasy emerged from all the unrestrained moving. Moreover, the added values of all the journeys were the people I met, the stories I go to know and how they've taught and encouraged me. All in all, PEOPLE, wherever I met or bummed into, are the most supremely beautiful elements comprising my days in Europe. 


No sooner had I come back to Taiwan than I realized how much I changed. All the changes should have been blessings. But now they look like courses and afflictions that join forces to torture me. I am not going to dive into the details.  Anyway, I did really miss Europe, and therefore I watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset the other day again Lol. I was so emotional as soon as I finished Before Sunrise this time. It reminded me of the freedom I have been in pursuit of. Most important of all, it partly exemplified the answer to life I have been looking for. I did find it somewhere and I knew how different life would be if I stuck to it.  


Someone might say that I simply romanticized what I've experienced. Well, I believe that we as human beings somehow usually incline to romanticize the thing we think of as "this is it". Furthermore, the romanticization might become more formidable if this thing is lost or taken away. I think this is the reason why I could partly get what Julie Delpy said in Before Sunset (even though it was not the same with my case) :


 "I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like, I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!" (note 1)


Paris, spring 2012


The family and the friends we are close with always want the best of us, and therefore they adopt the so called "positiveness" as the principle to help us out of the difficult time we suffer from. I did really appreciate of what my people have been trying to help me.  But what I need is not only being positive but also understanding my deep dark sides. Wiping out wounds is good. But if there are scars, you have to take different measures since the legacies will stand there everlastingly. If you merely keeping disguising them with "bright sides", it just like a propaganda. This is why I love so much Julie Delpy's saying as quoted in Before Sunrise:


"I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt." (Note 2)



It was this space where I saw my answer.  It was this space where some sort of essential nature was able to transcend both cultural and language barriers.  It was this space where the darkness was recognize! Positiveness didn't make any difference. Why? Because it's not about dark side. It's about me! It seems that so many people simply forget that the silver linings have always come from the back of clouds. Of course bright side does play a crucial  role in tackling problems and in pursuing the ideal lives. However, overwhelming sunshine is not called silver lining. It is, on the contrary, the sunlight  that will scorch the eyes. 


Now I am here. I am in this adorable Taiwan and I suffer more from  solitude than I did during the days in Sweden. I grotesquely lose the ability to feeling the lovely temperature. I am like a crazy, spoiled zombie who bites people randomly. It is so ironic, isn't it? 


But I will keep trying to reestablish the space and then recapture the answer as I have promised. If it doesn't work, I will just leave. I will lust leave...






Note 1: 
Please see http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Before_Sunset

Note 2:
please see http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/368938-before-sunrise-before-sunset-two-screenplays